Saturday, January 3, 2015

The Great Comeback Run that wasn't

Since September 13th, the day of my last run in 2014 I had been counting the days until I'd run again. I was told to wait until January to start again. I chose to be patient and not question the decision, even though I had my doubts that this was the right approach. My ITB issues were never an acute "injury", but a gradual change in my body - something that went astray over time. I did not wake up overnight with pain in my knees that's for sure. Something south of my waist is no longer working properly and nobody has been able to tell me exactly what it is. Without root cause, you cannot fix an issue for sure. You keep applying patch after patch, and hoping for a miracle. Assuming that I got to this point because of my poor bike fit, maybe I should have stopped biking altogether. Who the fuck knows. The entire year has been the same violent struggle as in Pink's video "Try". And I did try a lot of things: not running, water running, knee braces, physio, ART, massage therapy, acupuncture. All for nothing since they never brought me any long term relief or "cured" me.

So on January 1st I bundled up for sub zero temperatures, laced up my running shoes that had been sitting in my garage, still muddy from the last race of the season - and with so much hope and anticipation, I hit the road. Gently, carefully, slowly. One mile was all I wanted to run. Out to Tim Hortons and back. I walk there all the time. 11 minutes. Even coming back from other injuries, I never ran under 15 minutes. But 11 was going to be enough for that day, and it should not have hurt.
Yes, if it had been a running injury, THIS RUN SHOULD NOT HAVE HURT. But 1km in, the ITBs started to tighten up, niggle in the left knee appeared. I did not run enough for it to become painful, but it was there, just like I feared. NOTHING has changed since September despite the running interruption, nothing. I came back home, knees were hot as usual. I sat in the chair on the porch, head resting in my hands and at that moment I wanted to sell all my triathlon gear and QUIT everything. I was shaking inside. I was angry, sad, hurt, disappointed. I was DONE. I had a horrible day afterwards, full of tears and despair.

My lovely hubbs was there for me though - and he knows me better than anyone. He asked me how he can help, what he can do for me. I didn't know what to say. I just wanted him to hold me, to be with me. He encouraged me to go in my room and use the foam roller. He said that I should use it every day, which I never do. How many times I foam rolled since September? ONCE. Maybe this is ALL there is. To take care of my 40 yr old body because I no longer get a free pass at playing with endurance sports. He also suggested that I buy a new pair of shoes. Maybe there isn't enough padding in my K Swiss since put on 15lb. Maybe I should stop running on pavement and use the treadmill exclusively until the pain stops coming back to haunt me. Maybe I need a gait analysis and long term physio - but I am not made of money and I don't know who to trust.

Yesterday I went out for a walk. I really needed some fresh air. After 1km, the left knee cap started "rubbing". Against what? No clue... It felt like sandpaper against the bone. Maybe it's not tracking properly. Maybe I need an MRI of both knees and hips. All signs are here to tell me that my body hates me. Today I decided to skip the strength/spin workout because I am afraid. I am back to square one, not knowing what to do, where to go from here. I just wish I had a picture of my body from the inside that had all the answers laid out for me, crystal clear. I am so very tired of trying to find answers, and not having someone who isn't giving me any.

I haven't given up yet - as far as I know, I will do my best to have a "normal" year as a triathlete and runner - but boy, that looks frightening right now. I am not here to scare you away from this sport - I own my poor decisions of not getting a bike fit when I should have, not stretching, not warming up, not using the foam roller, not throwing away running shoes after 500km, not doing strength training, not eating well enough. I suppose it's a warning of sorts, that you have to take care of your body and be very careful what you wish for.

Tomorrow I will try running again. Padded shoes, treadmill, warmup and all. Maybe tomorrow it'll be pain free. Maybe all I need is faith and a bit of patience. The answer must be out there somewhere.

12 comments:

  1. So sorry to hear that you still have all this pain. I would definitely recommend that you go to a sports doc and have them take a look at your knee (and all the other issues you have going on). Insist that they schedule an x-ray at the least or ideally an MRI. You shouldn't be in this much pain after all the time you've taken off. Wishing you all the best, Irina!

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    1. Mari, in all honesty, it is not full blown pain - but pulling and tightness in my knee and some discomfort in the hip. Just the usual, you know... But the same feeling that I had at the beginning of every run last year and that only escalated from there. I will try to see how the month goes while stretching and giving the area all the TLC and if things don't improve, I'll ask for an MRI. Thank you for your concern. Hugs!!

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  2. Do not like :( I won't give you advice because you are getting plenty of that already, just say that I feel for you, especially on the 'but who do I believe' issue. So very much conflicting information on these sorts of things, from the pros and non-pros alike, and you can't know what will work until you try it and it does (and even then, which of the things actually worked?) Crossing my fingers you get it sorted it out!

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  3. I am so sorry Irina. I know you've been all over the place but I was given the name of a knee guy who is apparently amazing. I can send that to you if you like. Fingers crossed tomorrow is better! xo

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    1. Yes please!! I am willing to do a full body analysis right now, so why not start where it hurts? :-D Not that it hurt much, but it was uncomfortable. Thank you, sweet! xoxo back

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    2. Sorry about the run and continued pain Ririnette - take free advice for what you pay for it, but I went to my A.R.T. guy this week with some light IT band and right glute pain. He's also a marathoner, so we spend a lot of time talking about specific muscle usage. He told me that he feels 90% of the running injury and pain he sees is related to hips - specifically hips that are a little weaker than they need to be for what we're trying to do. I do a ton of hip work, but he reaffirmed that I need to continue it, and gave me a couple of new ideas. So anyway, if you haven't given that a thought (which you probably have) you might look into some hip strengthening stuff, it seems to help me in a lot of different ways. Have a great week!

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    3. Jim - I totally agree with you - and the consensus among all specialists that I've seen this year is that I need to strengthen my glutes and hips. Hence my focus on strength training in the past couple of months, especially in this area. But it was not enough apparently. I will continue with this, but I got discouraged by the fact that my old symptoms never went away all this time. Not sure how to deal with that. It feels like a new state of being.

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  4. Agree that most recent research points to weakened surrounding muscles (usually hips) and anterior pelvic tilt. Maybe try to correct those two, then try running again.
    I feel for you...this is how I felt for over a year, dealing with so much pain and no answers. I finally got a diagnosis, but it was a terrible feeling not to know.

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  5. I'm sorry to read this. I know you'll get to the bottom of it and come on stronger than ever. Sending you all the positive thoughts.

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  6. I've been in a some what similar situation myself since Mont Tremblant. I went for x-rays, saw a sports MD and have been getting therapy weekly. I spent the fall stretching, using a tens unit, having hot baths standing at work because I couldn't sit at my desk and crying in pain and feeling sorry for myself. It was a very long and painful (on all accounts) road. I am just getting back to running now doing 3x1. I have been working with a great chiro and if you are interested to chat more feel free to contact me. I know how you feel! I would be happy to give you a reco on a clinic where they have been very helpful for me and many of my triathlon friends.

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    1. I would love to know where the clinic is, Mandy!! For sure I could use some help. Glad to hear that things are looking up for you!

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